doing is exhausting

I’m still working on my theme. Also site content, jewelry and information about clothing from Cleves.

I have now man secondary documents as well as a few direct transcriptions and I’m more confused than ever. What has been exciting has been finding that yes, Spanish fashions did come in very late and there are nifty terms for farthingales and the like.

But all of this has been super exhausting and has used energy I’d normally put into health. So I’m going to have to learn how to relax again.

I genuinely don’t know how to.

FOMO is obviously at play. But it really has been an issue more recently as I step into the chronic part of my disease. It’s still vital to be proactive but it’s less effective. My hands feel like they are ending their time being able to even type.

As the years go by each day feels shorter, this is part of having a body, but with a degenerative disease this is much faster. I’m never ready for each step towards slowing, but right now I know I need to figure some way to just be. Not feel defined by what I do.

This is also hard because it’s hard to type so each key press is hard, but then I also need to edit and correct, and each step is hampered by how hard it is to press keys let alone the correct keys. in the correct order.

Every step between thinking and sharing is several times harder. Mentally and physically.

So yes, a way to relax. I feel guilt when I relax too. Multiple factors there, but the result is the same. I need to stop freaking out even if the freaking out is based on reality.

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