I’ve been quiet because I’m trying to recover from triggering a relapse of my RA. The petechiae in my feet and my Achilles tendons injuries are at this point clearly connected as they calm down with high doses of steroids. So does my fibro and pain where I have a little narrowing in my spine- so they all were ringing alarm bells that just turned into a cacophony.

The problem was I had a pulse not even three months ago and wasn’t on alert to notice the gathering warning signs that another flare was on the way. I did have to use heat and darkness for longer than usual but it was gradual until it was half my day. But then it pretty much fell apart and now I’ll need to recover from the steroids too because they do suppress your own cortisol production.

RA treatments do so much but immune cells are particularly good at by passing interference- just consider how much bone marrow we have, not even total body irradiation and Hematopoietic Stem Cell Transplantation is long lasting. That’s how powerful it is. It was fascinating and horrifying to study at uni, so you can imagine what it’s like to now be part of the subject.

So you keep running interference, you keep tools in your toolkit, and you remember to be as forgiving of yourself as so many people you know you’ve disappointed have and who continue to be forgiving. First out of respect for that grace, second because it’s how you recover because stress makes it take longer, third so you remember to keep offering that grace in kind. And fourth so you do keep trying.

It’s a matter now of making sure I don’t push recovery nor get disheartened by how long it takes, because that’s truly the most difficult to manage.