Currently trying to get warm to be able to follow through with my project of tracing all my patterns (self developed) as it is feeding into anxiety that has cropped up pretty intensely recently. My self esteem plummeted a while ago and it got so bad I nearly didn’t go to an SCA event last weekend- a pot luck dinner, no pressure, except my own.

After a cry- yep- I managed to say to myself even if I just get into my frock that is more than I have done, so if I wound up unable to move then it’s still something.

At this point in a chronic illness there are not so many spikes in pain and fatigue, but the usual therapies are less effective, leading to much the same outcome in terms of the final equation of Energy = therapy – (pain x fatigue)

I know that, and still feel like a failure for being too sore and tired from my shower.

However. I did get to the SCA event, in the pink frock of pinkness, and got to be enthusiastic about teaching, and it was also inspiring just to be in a room where people are being enthusiastic. To the point I’d really like to organise a full day/weekend of classes.

However. I do have a bit more reading and transcribing.

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