avoidant behaviour

This year has brought a lot of stress, and with it has been a need to stay not just up to date but be proactive. So this has taken a lot of time and focus.

On top of that is a long trail of undiagnosed and uncontrolled fibromyalgia and after a few years I have started to be very stressed by what normally is my joy. It started with me trying to push through fatigue and making decisions in cutting and sewing that have had to be undone or left me wasting materials, through to now where I am putting off or avoiding working on my projects as I have learned that I will make mistakes.

I have been working on this. I really have. But it’s not a simple situation so the solutions are not simple.

I can’t stay in one position for long so I do indeed switch tasks. But then that doesn’t let me settle in. I don’t really have long enough to transition between skillsets.

And if I move from say tidying files at my PC to a little lightweight hand sewing, to cleaning, by the time I come back to tidying files I may not remember what system I was trying to sort by. I need to rest a lot, so that separates each round even further.

So by now I’m full of doubt.

Doubt also has a habit of seeping out of context and into everything. So yes at this point I’ve started second guessing everything.

Oddly though I’m still somewhat positive. I just wish I had more time in which I could work on every aspect of health I need to.

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