letting go

I have a horrible tendency to do this too quickly, then later on really need what I lost. This is usually a response to external forces, which you know, is how life works; we are not in this alone. Recently I used tidying as a form of distraction but I have managed to “sort” some very vital fabrics….. somewhere.

These are irreplaceable and I really have looked through my entire studio and bedroom and I cannot find them. I think I attempted to separate the linen from cotton. But I keep switching my organisation from putting an entire project in one space- including uncut fabrics, to putting only already cut fabric and trim.

Frankly neither works well with what I have, so that’s also part of the problem. In fact I just found a huge length of HetnBond making my recent purchase now a negative in my budget. To be honest though it’s probably what I need in total if I want to make all the guarding I need to do much easier. I have 2m of black cotton velveteen to make into bias cut strips for my Juelich gown and for my two skirts that really do need to be properly finished.

Even though I desperately need the fabric for three projects (supporting bodices for my Cranach, Juelich, and Anne of Cleves gowns) and I am still saving for similar support layers for Elsa and my Bubble gown (power net for understrucrue, illusion tulle for both necklines) I have managed to let go of it. Mostly. If I find it, great, if not I have enough set aside to be able to make two.

And I have so much orange left over I can definitely use that along with the guarding for a lot of stability.

All of this though is part of what I am trying to teach about 16thC construction as I do things very differently from modern teaching.

I have never found modern systems and clothing work for me (including 19thC when you really find proportional systems kick up) and it was Fashion Incubator who helped me realise why. And while they deal with modern systems and manufacturing they really helped me recognise why pre 19thC patterning works so well for me, but also in general.

But that is so much history that I’ve mostly been sharing sources than my own methods so that when I can write up my method everyone can look at my sources to understand why.

I’ve also recently made a deep dive into my school records and I was pretty shocked.

Aside from one short lived teen rebellion my records are consistent in one aspect: my comprehension outpaced my ability to communicate. And I never did find it easy to speak up. There is more but it’s pretty clear that school did not really know how to teach me, and I tried so hard to fit in but never did.

It’s a lot to process. But especially how some teachers treated that as an attitude problem. Even when they wrote how much of an effort I was making they still treated reticence to *speak* as an attitude problem.

I am very lucky to still have a reasonable record of my work and commentary. It does raise a number of questions now though. And certainly gives me a better insight into what my peers were going through- even while recognising why I didn’t identify with them at the time- I did have sympathy, developed empathy and compassion, but only now have some understanding.

Education ideally gives us tools to learn, but it also need to be honest. Had I known exactly how much of a barrier that shyness was specifically? We might have been able to afford a tutor. But my shyness was complicated by social matters and so that would have had to be a tutor who understood and respected that.

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