apologies to self and others

One of the problems with rolling delays is it is so hard to catch up! That includes simply importing and copying files from my phone. Then I need to back them up and finally can start editing and deleting. I’ve not been able to do much each day either. It’s 10am and I’m both in pain and tired just from having a shower and catching up. I need to be kinder on myself for this, while also figuring out when I can “push” things. But yesterday I managed to break through some really heavy emotional blocks that have contributed to this cycle.

After losing my constant kitty companion, who would stay with me in my little studio it got harder to go out there because it just didn’t feel the same.

Then when it was broken into, the space just no longer felt like it was mine.

In winter (like now) this is especially true as I need to air out all spaces for them to be healthy and not confrontational to all senses located in my head. Luckily I have a little fan heater that automatically turns off after a very short time so I can just take the chill off and that helps a lot. It’s a small enough space that this winds up economical and not burdening the electrical network.

I tried all sorts of ways to make myself go out there, including replacing my netbook which stutters and is slow and often bypasses Mint to try and reload windows. Yesterday I committed half an hour to painting some metal pieces a brighter gold and even that? So many things went wrong!

Our driveway has turned slippery so I got to the door a little down thinking about figuring out maintenance, then my laptop would not start up. So I went back indoors, started up no problem. Took it back out, and again it wouldn’t start up. So forced reboot, and the fans went like the blazing, it did eventually start up, I checked in task manager and I think it was trying to connect to the internet *before* letting me in based on what was using most resources. So I am going to have to change some settings because that should not prevent me from logging in.

So that was tense and frustrating, and after several years of this cycle it was going to be easier to give up. But! I stuck it out, and managed to paint most of the jewellery findings I need to finish my sets of belts and necklaces etc.

The big round piece is perhaps the most successful. While painting the bees (originally silver because for some reason gold bees became scarce when I needed them) one fell and I thought “oh no, it’s on the my brunchcoat” but I couldn’t find it and so decided maybe it would turn up under the desk. but no!

It turned up stuck to my sock this morning. I can’t believe how long it had managed to stay there.

These pieces still need a few more hours to dry before I can bake them to cure them.

This is not the intended use of the pebeo vitrea 160 glossy medium but it does work to bind metallic pigments. Side note, it looks like that is no longer made, and instead you need to use the porcelaine 150 glossy medium if your local store doesn’t have any older stock. Darn, yes the store I got mine from no longer stocks it.

Anyway. They are now indoors, I am having a flare of fibro from yesterday so am about to shift posture and lie down with a hot water bottle applied in rotation on the radiating pain spots. And ask for help getting some emulgel on my back.

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