less cranky

I am actually in a fairly good health space, for me. I have managed to collect enough data to be able to say “okay wow, pain is a cause for my worse sleep” as well as “oh this pillow is in fact better right now.” So I have some solutions to a very complex problem.

But last night even in the midst of a very stressful, very reflective time, I can say my sleep was yummy. It was what sleep is supposed to be. My solution includes medication I have avoided for too long due to stigma.

But also, the idea of a year of enforced isolation is somehow very freeing.

I feel light and quite optimistic, so long as I avoid social media, which unfortunately means avoiding friends online. I love and care for you all, but it is very crushing to have been unheard for so long. Not me as a friend, but as a representitive of a community and as such an ambassador.

But right now, I am looking at no time frames to get things done. I am looking at months where I can choose what project to work on because I want to not because there is an opportunity I will miss if I don’t focus now, right now.

And because I feel free I am using my time in a way that is so beneficial to my mental health I can’t express it well enough.

For me this is a much needed respite from trying to keep up with the world. The world is now at my pace.

I really could cry and have been, over what this means. Because the fear of sickness is not at all new, and it makes every single year this very difficult balance between trying to make use of an opportunity and that opportunity being a massive risk to my health.

I have taken a project out of my long term storage to work on. The project is important to me as it’s part of my earliest exposure to historic costume as well as ties me to the old LJ community. And it is in part because not only can I fit it into my new schedule but also a current trend, and I am also able to get photos of a quality that will help me share that by being able to use social media trends and it’s so exciting.

But yes it does mean I need to use this me time for me.

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