My “new normal” keeps changing. And I don’t always recognise it. I am still grieving, and this is a process that is not unique to chronic illness but it can be difficult because of this continual change.
This study found that the five stages of mourning did not progress in a linear fashion. Stages recurred in the face of major life events or deterioration.
http://www.ritsumeihuman.com/hsrc/resource/01/pdf/01_96.pdf
The mourning process in chronic illness, IMAO, Mayumi, (Nagoya University
I think that is something that is fairly easy to understand.
It has been pointed out that the definition of “acceptance/closure” is too ambiguous
http://www.ritsumeihuman.com/hsrc/resource/01/pdf/01_96.pdf Ib.
I think this is where we can feel a lot of conflict with what we think acceptance is.
I know I will never perform again. My acceptance is not defeat. It is instead a way for me to put my time and energy into what I can do, and what I can do to help prepare for the next time I find a new level of my limitations.
It isn’t about denying possibility of a change in future, but instead lets that happen as it happens. And it’s not about expecting everything to be awful from now on. It’s just making sure I can be somewhat prepared.