current health

I love the Discworld. I have held off reading the last few books because I am too emotionally connected.

But I want to use a phrase often used by PTerry though [X] and out the other side.

I think this describes fatigue pretty well. It’s not like the tired you get staying up a bit late, or even after a tiring day. It’s through the other side. It’s like trying to move through honey, in the mind and body.

I’m sort of like that with pain now. It is very hard for me to answer pain scale questions. I generally try to describe other symptoms as they are the ones that tell me something is wrong.

When my kidney stone moved out, I reconised the pain as close to what I dealt with every 6-9 weeks and so did not seek help until I was vomiting uncrontrolably. By the time the ambulance arrived, my state was not dignified at all. But asked for what the pain level was? I was unable to come up with a number.

So this also contributes to my worry about surgery. Today my tendons on my upper hand are overused and they feel like rubber bands under my skin, pulling my knuckles on the inner side and letting them fall to the outside of my hand. This is essentially what they are doing. It’s what leads to the classic drift of fingers, and my surgeon will not operate to fix that.

But that’s what is causing my functional problems.

The underside of my hands are prickly and my fingers feel swollen even if they aren’t. But compared to what I know is happening on the top of my hand it feels insignificant.

It isn’t.

And thus the complexity of pain, not as perception as is usually experienced, but as complicated as the body.Every¬† distinct part that makes up the incredible engineering of the hand is all shouting “this is wrong” but each thing that is wrong affects the other. And there is no way to fix even half of them without harming the rest.

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